1 on the highway outside Fresno at a truck stop on probation in a jail cell in a nightmare incognito in a treehouse in a gay bar at a rehab by a trailer eatin’ supper | 2 in September at McDonald’s ridin’ shotgun wrestlin’ gators all hunched over poppin’ uppers sort of pregnant with joggers stoned on oatmeal playin’ guitar dead all over whistling “Dixie” | 3 that purple dress that little hat that burlap bra those training pants the stolen goods that plastic nose the neon sign that creepy smile the hearing aid the boxer shorts that afro wig that cheap perfume the combat boots | 4 sobbin’ at the toll booth drinkin’ Dr. Pepper weighted down with Twinkies breakin’ out with acne smellin’ kind of funny crashin’ through the guardrail chewin’ on a hangnail talkin’ in Swahili drownin’ in the quicksand slurpin’ up linguini munchin’ jalapenos shopliftin’ tomatoes hot-wirin’ my pick-up pregnant with the triplets | 5 in the twilight but I loved her by the off-ramp near Poughkeepsie with her cobra when she shot me on her elbows with Led Zeppelin with Miss Piggy in her muu-muu as a side dish very slowly with some sailors without shoes on |
6 no guy would ever love her more that she would be an easy score she’d bought her dentures in a store that she would be a crashing bore I’d never rate her more than “4” they’d hate her guts in Baltimore it was a raven, nothing more we really lost the last World War I’d have to scrape her off the floor what strong deodorants were for that she was rotten to the core that I would upchuck on the floor | 7 I promised her I knew deep down She asked me if I told her shrink The judge declared Her daddy said I shrieked in pain The painters knew A Klingon said My hamster thought The blood test showed Her momma knew | 8 stay with her warp her mind swear off booze take out trash punch her out live off her have that rash stay a dwarf hate her dog pick my nose play “Go Fish” salivate walk the streets | 9 our love would never die there was no other guy man wasn’t meant to fly that Nixon didn’t lie her basset hound was shy that Rolaids made her high she’d have a swiss on rye she loved my one blue eye her brother’s name was Tye that birthdays made her cry she couldn’t stand my tie she used to be a guy “go stick it in your eye” |
10 run off wind up boogie yodel sky dive turn green freak out blast off make it black out bobsled grovel write songs drop dead | 11 with my best friend in my Edsel on a surfboard with her dentist with a robot with no clothes on at her health club in her Maytag with her guru while in labor for my gun-rack eatin’ breakfast | 12 You’d think at least that she’d have said I never had the chance to say She told her dumb friend Grace to say I now can kiss my credit cards I guess I was too smashed to say I watched her melt away and sobbed She fell beneath the wheels and cried She sent a hired thug to say She freaked out on the lawn and screamed I pushed her off the bridge and waved But that’s the way that pygmies say She sealed me in the vault and said Now I can kiss my credit cards The spraypaint on my truck spelled out | 
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